Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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