dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
