What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
