When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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