Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize