Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.