Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy