NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.