I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral