I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt