There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
