OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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