brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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