At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
