Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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