I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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