Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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