How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
NoShamevember. You game?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
