I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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