Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize