He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
