he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
