Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
