Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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