I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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