did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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