i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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