Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
