I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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