you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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