I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
