She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me