I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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