ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals