Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize