i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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