Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
