so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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