I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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