So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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