I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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