went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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