Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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