You really coming over, don't trick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
