i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".