is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
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Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say