my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO