Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.