Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness