I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour