worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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