I want to walk on stilts...naked
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day