So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at