there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize