I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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