my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
