she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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