He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dating After Heartbreak
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU