he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story