So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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