I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fill condoms, not promises.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
