I hate your face
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
