Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
